questions

It’s 3:13pm on Saturday, December 13.  The halls closed this morning at 10am.  The only noise I hear are what I can only assume are the heating pipes that run through the building…actually, now that I think about it, that’s kind of loud.  It sounds like an old refrigerator.  That isn’t at all relaxing.

But, to refocus my attention on my point, I am actually relaxed.  In fact, even as I type that I’m taking a deep breath.  Work is finally done for the quarter, and in 2 days I’m leaving for Arkansas, and 13 days from there I’m getting married.

Hmm…so I guess relaxed might just be a relative term.

The two questions that I have heard more than any other question over the last month are:
a) Do you have everything ready for the wedding?
b) Are you excited to get married?

I’ve decided these might be two of the funniest questions I will ever hear over the course of my life. 

(No, wait, I just realized that I’m probably going to get some real funny questions when I’m pregnant someday.  I know I’ve asked a few doozies of my girlfriends.  Questions about bellies and boobs and whatnot.)

I think these questions are funny because no, I probably won’t ever truly be ready for the wedding, and yes, I’m excited to get married, but it is almost the tiniest of a thousand different emotions I’m feeling.  And anyway, I’m less excited about the “getting” married part, and much more excited to “be” married, because that’s when I won’t have to send Joel home at the end of every day, and I won’t have to worry about him driving  to North Bend at 1am, and I won’t likely have days when we don’t see each other at all, and I won’t feel guilty every time he pays for something instead of me, because the money will belong to both of us and we’ll be making those decisions together.

So I think, if someone wanted to ask me a really good question right now, one that would actually give them more than just surface level information about my well-being, they’d ask, “How are you feeling?”  Because then I can give you a list.  I’m feeling:

• Tired
• Nervous
• Anticipatory (that might be a made up word)
• Cared for
• Blessed beyond measure
• Scared
• Anxious
• Happy
• Joyful
• Amazed
• Hungry
• Overwhelmed
• Task oriented
• Blissful
• Excited

At any given moment, I am experiencing about five of the above listed emotions, and if you ask me from one minute to the next you’ll get a different answer.  Even then, I think all the battling sensations are usually weighing each other out, so no one feeling is taking control. 

And what I told Joel last night, what I think all of this amounts to, is the overarching sense that it’s time.  It’s time for this to happen.  I’m ready.  I am ready to get this show on the road, to have a wedding, and to be married to my best friend.

Also, I’m ready for our Disney World honeymoon.